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Anal Play 101: Frequently Asked Questions

This is the first installment in a series of informative posts about anal play - here we'll go over a few frequently asked questions about anal play as well as demystify some common misconceptions.

Q: Is it natural?

  • This type of play is absolutely natural. Many of us are taught that anal play is wrong; that your ass wasn't designed with pleasure in mind. However, you have thousands of sensitive nerve endings in and around your ass - it's of course understandable and perfectly normal to be interested in exploring the pleasurable sensations that this play can bring.

Q: Will it hurt?

  • Done correctly, anal stimulation doesn't hurt. Remember to use lube (like, a LOT of lube. More than you think you'll need!) and to take things slow. You may feel a bit uncomfortable with the new sensation at first, but as your body and mind acclimate to what is happening, this will subside.  Playing with someone who is already well versed in giving pleasure through ass play who can introduce you to it safely and give you pointers about how to get started can be very helpful, but don't be afraid to explore on your own!

Q: What about cleanliness?

  • It's a good idea to take a shower right before play, and to take special care while thoroughly washing your ass. To get extra squeaky clean, you can use an anal douche or enema bag, which I'll go into more detail about in a subsequent post. Having a towel and baby wipes on hand is a good idea, but if you've prepped correctly they shouldn't really be necessary.

Q: Will this cause me to become "loose"?

  • The sphincter is a wonderfully stretchy muscle. It's *built* to expand and contract. Like any muscle, you work it out and it gets stronger. Think about it this way: your arm isn't going to stop working because you've been doing bicep curls, unless you've pushed yourself past your limits and injured yourself.

Q: Do I have to be dominated in order to engage in ass play?

  • Nope. For the sake of clarity in these posts, I will be referring to the person receiving stimulation as the bottom and the person giving stimulation as the top, but top/bottom is not synonymous with dominant/submissive. Power play only comes into play if you want it to.

Q: Does this make me gay?

  • If only pro-dommes and fetish professionals had a nickel for every time we were asked this! Plenty of straight men and women, lesbians, and bisexual folks are into anal. Plenty of gay men *aren't* into it. Being into ass play doesn't make you gay. Being sexually and/or romantically attracted to men makes you gay. 

Q: Why are people into anal?

  • Well, it can feel incredible for the bottom. People with prostates (men, trans women, etc.) - can experience an internal, non-ejaculatory orgasm similar to a G-spot orgasm from prostate stimulation.  It's possible to achieve multiple orgasms and full body orgasms with a little practice, as well! The feeling of fullness from a plug, large toy or a number of fingers is deeply satisfying. The fact that it's taboo and forbidden and a little naughty is definitely a draw for many - myself included.

Q: What do you get out of this, as the top/penetrator/giver of pleasure?

  • I am a pervert, and as someone who primarily tops I get off on being the orchestrator of pleasure. I enjoy giving people the skills they need to pursue a type of play that they've never experienced before as much as I enjoy playing with power bottoms and adepts who need more, more, more. Strapping on is a gender-bending delight. This type of play scratches my creative itch, feeds my kinky soul, brings me joy. 


Next week, look out for Anal Play 102: Preparation, Physical + Mental. I'll talk a bit more in detail about how to prep yourself for a mess-less experience, as well as some relaxation techniques to put your mind (and butt) at ease and get you ready to play.

Robin Ardeur